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The end of the world is nigh

Posted by Uncle Mark | February 25, 2009 | In contributing editors humor porsche range rover

Another short tale from the land of the dentally deformed...

You may or may not have heard, but London got six inches of snow a few weeks ago. You would have thought that the bloody world was ending: airports were closed, trains ran late, buses were confined to their depots, and eight million people didn’t go in to work!

Anyway, I’m from the North of England, which means I’m tough and strong - army strong, just like the ads on TV - so my friends and I spent the day driving around the two-foot snow drifts in the countryside where I come from in Land and Range Rovers. Brilliant fun was had by all!

Now, at the risk of upsetting all those New York investment bankers who spent last year’s bonuses on Range Rover ‘Sports’ (like I give a crap about upsetting them!), I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I prefer the regular Range Rover; it’s just a more practical, better car for the true Range Rover driver (i.e. those who have to do a bit of off-the-beaten-track driving and some towing as well).

For those who disagree, who are going to be those that only ever drive their Sports on tarmac, I challenge you to drive the Porsche Cayenne, which is a better ‘road’ car and looks far better (not that the Range Rover is a pug) and does not require the ridiculous ‘bling’ that New York Range Rover drivers seem compelled to retrofit on to their motors (please, just leave them factory spec; the additional chrome just looks stupid … buy an Escalade if that is your bag).

Talking of the Cayenne…..again, this is another example of a slightly follysome choice if you want a super fast, great handling SUV. You can get a five liter diesel (one of the most powerful diesel engines available, with 350 horse power and a 0-62 mph of just 6.7 seconds) or a W12 (that’s two V6 engines melded together to give 62 mph in 5.9 seconds) VW Touareg for (like-for-like performance) better prices than the Cayenne, and they are apparently 65% the same car, made in the same factory!

Anywho, I seem to have gone off on a tangent. What are my points?

People who live in London are ‘Southern Jessies’ who need to learn how to survive a bit of snow
Range Rovers are awesome, but Range Rover Sports are not the best sporty SUVs
Why is it that I can’t think of an American SUV that is worthy of mentioning in the same sentences as these beautiful, performance SUV’s? Come on Detroit!

Love from England,

Uncle Mark

1 Comment(s)

Natalya | posted 1 year, 5 months ago

"the bloody world was ending" - a nice one! NO! It was only snow:) I've heard they call them "Game overs" in Iceland because of the crisis, but regardless - you said it all!!! You go, Brits:) Cayenne??? In CIS it is a nice gift for a girlfriend, but really nothing more... & probably won't be... should it?