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Utter, global financial meltdown good for the auto industry

Posted by Uncle Mark | February 09, 2009 | In contributing editors humor

Okay okay, calling last week ‘bad’ for the auto industry is the understatement of the century - it has been turds upon turds in terms of bad news followed by even worse news followed by even worse worse news, with the knock on effect of the Wall Street financial apocalypse (and a lemming-like jump off a cliff of any remaining consumer confidence) spreading through the streets of Detroit (as well as Nagoya) as fast as a new Paris Hilton sex tape being released on the interweb.

But, despite people accusing me of trying to find a cloud in every silver lining, my naturally sunny disposition means it is my calling to try and find any rays of good news poking through the gloom and doom of the US auto industry, and I think I’ve found one. It seems that legal sales of music, be it on CD, vinyl, cassette or downloaded, have also taken a hit, especially in the Hip Hop / Rap genre, which I think is great news for car lovers everywhere. “How so?” I hear you ask....

No, it’s not because I don’t like listening to a bit of Kool Moe Dee with my cereal in the morning (I love listening to a bit of hip hop while eating my Sugar Puffs), but because some of the biggest rappers such as 50 Cent, Eminem and Dr Dre have taken hits in their financial portfolios and pushed back their album releases in these tough economic times.

Still not getting why this is a good thing? Well, that means less money available to ‘pimp rides’ and create god awful, genetically-modified versions of perfectly good, beautiful cars in the name of Rap music. If you are still not sure, answer me these questions:

Does a Rolls Royce Phantom really need 22” chrome rims added or its suspension lowering? NO, it bloody doesn’t!
Do rappers really need to have their Bentleys modified to have ‘gull wing’ doors. NO, they do not! Do we really need to see another stretch Hummer filled with drunken ladies on bachelorette parties, flashing their boobs at the poor, unsuspecting public … well I guess that only happens in England, but you get my point.

Rappers not tinkering with the fruits of the luxury auto industry saves everyone’s eyes from crimes against carmanity and will keep my blood pressure lower. So, utter, global financial meltdown is not a totally bad thing for the auto industry.

Love,
Uncle Mark

1 Comment(s)

Big E | posted 1 year, 7 months ago

Dear Uncle Mark, I agree! Yes, banish those modified pieces of shit from the streets around the world. I am not entirely convinced that the contraption above is in fact a RR Phantom. My specially trained automotive engineering eye tells me that it is a Hummer H2 that's been modified by an idiot. Probably an idiot rapper.

Big E